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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29297937">Halflings are Hard</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/LateStageInfernalism/pseuds/LateStageInfernalism'>LateStageInfernalism</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>GWA - Fandom, Original Work, gonewildaudio - Fandom</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Budding Agromance, F/M, It's Nothing Personal I Just Dislike You Intensely, M4F, Prude Orc Cleric, Rape, Reverse Aftercare, Slutty Halfling Barbarian, Surprise Fdom you little bastard, audio script, gonewildaudible, reluctance, rough</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 07:00:43</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Rape/Non-Con</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,593</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29297937</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/LateStageInfernalism/pseuds/LateStageInfernalism</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>LateStageInfernalism's Audio Scripts</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Halflings are Hard</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>[script offer] [M4F] Halflings Are Hard [Rape] but only because [Reluctance] and [Rough] [Slutty Halfling Barbarian] [Prude Orc Cleric] [Budding Agromance] [Surprise Fdom you little bastard] [It's Nothing Personal I Just Dislike You Intensely] [Reverse Aftercare]</p><p>&gt;This is more wordy than it is sexy. I think the aftercare takes longer than the sex. I’m sorry.<br/>&gt;This is the same party, same inn, and same night as "Elf Girls Are *Not* Easy" and “Drow Boys are Difficult”. Because continuity makes everything better!<br/>&gt;You are the Halfling Barbarian, the listener is the Orc Cleric. You are a jerk. And also kind of a Hoe.</p><p>Please feel free to adapt, redact, modify or interpret my scripts any way you choose. I consider myself your collaborator and I am grateful for your efforts.</p><p>DISCLAIMERS for ALL Scripts published by u/LateStageInfernalism<br/>* Content may contain portrayals of fictional fantasies by adults, for adults, and about adults and does not condone or promote harm to others in any way.<br/>* Content is an original work of creative fiction owned by the artist(s) involved in its production and is protected under copyright and creative commons (BY-NC 4.0).<br/>* Permission is given to post fills/adaptations of my content for non-commercial use on Reddit as long as credit is given and the artist(s) involved are notified.<br/>* Do not post or rehost fills/adaptations of content for commercial use or sites other than Reddit without express/individual consent of the artist(s) involved.</p><p>Emphasis noted by *asterisks* / (notes like emotion or speech) / [Sound FX. Optional]</p><p> </p><p>Worst room in the inn and we gotta share it. Well...looks like we both drew the short straw...(with some disgust) roomie. </p><p>No, I guess that wasn't very nice, but neither am I. (chipper) Good night!</p><p>(complaining and rude) Oh my god why are you still talking. It's late, I did a lot of killing, I just want to go to sleep.</p><p>No, I'm pretty sure I don't owe you an explanation for my behavior. (annoyed) Good. Night.</p><p>Are...are you going to just keep staring at me until I talk to you? Because that's really creepy, even for an Orc.</p><p>No..no that's not why I dislike you. I'm not prejudiced against Orcs.</p><p>Prove it? Well I mean the easiest thing to do would be to go down to the docks. Just ask...well...any of the orc whor...I mean women...you find down there about me. Tell them that "the little tower" sent you.</p><p>No I don't expect you to go interrogate the streetwalkers at this hour of the night. That would be much too out of character for Her Highness the High Matriarch of Inanna. But it would be nice if you would shut up a little bit.</p><p>Yes I know that's not your real title.</p><p>I do appreciate all of the healing. It does make the killing a lot easier and that is nice to have around. But I don't have to like you to get healed.</p><p>No. It's not because you are a cleric either. I'd like to point out that I also really dislike the Dark Elf boy and he's a wizard. </p><p>No, I don't hate Dark Elves either. You ever been captured by them? Their women really know how to hurt a guy. One time, I was tied up, and this drow priestess came in with a whip. Well i thought i was a whip but it really turned into a bunch of tentacles and...</p><p>No that's not true either, in point of fact I think you are a fine looking woman. Gorgeous even. You've got curves and muscles in exactly the right places. What the dwarves call "Thicc".</p><p>No. It's not a Halfling thing, or because I'm a berserker. My people are ridiculously polite. They'd give you beer and tell you that you're pretty and donate money to your helpful, yet bland, diety. And berserkers just like to equal opportunity murder. </p><p>Oh my god you are not gonna let this go are you. You are just going to ask these inane questions over and over until I answer or one of us finally snaps and kills the other. And resurrection is just so godsdamned expensive.</p><p>Fine. Fine. Do you want to know why I fervently dislike you? Why I can't stand you OR the Drow boy? It's really quite simple.</p><p>You're both virgins. </p><p>No, I can't fucking stand virgins. They're useless. </p><p>Yes, technically I Was a virgin once. But that doesn't count.</p><p>Well I was really bad at it. A human bard had her way with me right after I came of age. She used me and gave me a gold piece and it was the best birthday ever.</p><p>Oh and this too. What do I mean? The endless pleading and anxiety. (fake whining for effect) Do they like me? Should I confess my love? Should I allow myself the sin of masturbation? It just goes on and on with you people.</p><p>Yes, "you people". It's just endlessly annoying. Even the paladin has gotten laid, and she's totally relaxed and fun. She doesn't get this annoying and overbearing. When she gets worked up she just finds a nice boy and lays hands on him and the next day she's right as rain.</p><p>Yes you are. You are totally the most annoying person I know. I see the way you nervously eyed that squire we saved from the dungeon. He was all sweaty and confused and barely dressed. And he saw you all shining with holy light in your tight armor and he totally had a hard on for you. You were his hero and what did you do? Nothing. </p><p>Seriously all you had to do was look at him right and he'd have been your special little fucktoy. We could have shared him, but noooo, you got that prude confusion and stuffed your sexuality back down and did "the right thing" and healed him and escorted him back to town. And you're still sexually frustrated and you're taking it out on me.</p><p>Oh, NOW you want ME to shut up. That's rich. Do you not like being reminded of your uselessness? Should we talk about the villainous anti-paladin?</p><p>What is there to talk about? WHAT IS THERE TO TALK ABOUT? He was fucking in love with you! There was so much sexual tension in the room I had a little stiffy! You just had to fuck him and he would have turned good, end of adventure. And you were like "no I must refuse your vile advances". And then I got to kill a lot of people, which I admit was nice, but it all could have been avoided. If you had just stopped treating your vajayjay like a dwarven vault that only opens once every one-hundred years!</p><p>Oh? You're not going to take it anymore? Really? What are you going to do about it, exactly? Like I keep telling you, virgins are usel....OOF.</p><p>You, uh, you're pretty strong when you're straddling me like this...maybe uh...</p><p>[slap or striking noise]</p><p>(scared) H..hey maybe we said some things in the heat of the moment that we regret now...so uh...</p><p>[slap or striking noise]</p><p>Ow, hey that hurt!</p><p>[clothes tearing noise]</p><p>Hey those pants were expensive! Just because you're so fucking frustrated...</p><p>[slap, louder]</p><p>Ok! Ok I'm shutting up.</p><p>[intense kissing noises]</p><p>Uh...wow. Why are you taking your pants off...oh. Wow. You are very, uh...wet.</p><p>OH. Hey..I know I said you're pretty but I'm not sure we should...oh you're going to ride me aren't you.</p><p>[grunt/moan as he is forcibly taken]</p><p>Oh...that feels...really [moans] good. [grunts] Oh god you're so goddamn rough [grunt] oh god it hurts...so good</p><p>Your hand is is [grunt] moving around my throat [moans] I am so sorry (voice is partially cut off as he is obviously being choked)</p><p>I'm [grunt] having trouble [moans] breathing...</p><p>(under breath) harder...mommy...oh fuck I'm cumming...</p><p>[improv to orgasm]</p><p>[very sharp intake of breath, some coughing]</p><p>(reassuring) Hey. Hey, calm down [cough] Its ok. I'm ok. Come here. No I mean it. Let me hold you.</p><p>[chuckles] Yeah I know you're bigger than me, but I can still hold you right? Hey don't cry. You didn't do anything to me I didn't want you to. </p><p>Yes. Yes I provoked you. On purpose. You were going nuts every night. I saw men that wanted you and you wanted them and you...you couldn't bring yourself to be with them. And then I realized you weren't even masturbating. I mean if I went without...anything...for a week I'd lose my mind.</p><p>Yeah. I was really, really worried about you. I tried to flirt with you and you seemed interested but...you just shut down. I thought you were going to break. I really did. So I took action. And made you mad, and embarrassed and probably even a little sad. And I'm sorry. </p><p>Well yes things did get a little rougher there at the end than I intended. I never said I was an intelligent man.</p><p>Yeah. I like holding you too. It's better than I expected honestly. And yeah, I'm interested in you. I, uh, kind of love you. Sort of.</p><p>Well, I mean, yeah, but you aren't a virgin anymore so its fine. [light smacking noise] ow! [laughter] ok, ok I'll lay off. </p><p>No, don't go back to the other bed. I might get unruly again and need a little more...aggressive affection.</p>
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